Carcar

 

What defines being happy?  How do you know that you have it?  Or you are happy?  How do you know that what makes you happy today will or won’t make you happy tomorrow? 

 

Your decisions today influence what decisions you will make tomorrow.  But, how do you know what makes you happy today will continue to make you happy tomorrow?  Or that, even if you are upset and unhappy, your decisions will work out and you will be happy?  Is it all just putting hope in the fact your decisions/feelings will turn out right?

 

When you make your decision, you have no idea that it will be right. You only know the decision is right because at the time you made it, it was right.  It’s how I live my life—with no regrets.  It doesn’t matter what I do, I do not regret any decision I have ever made (or ever will).  But I am not sure if that decision to live my life like that has truly made me happy.  At times, I think that it might have been a good idea to take things back but in retrospect, you never can do that.  There is no time machine to go back in time to change things you have done and there is no time machine to go forward in time to see if you have made the right decision.  You have to be happy with what you have chosen to do, no matter how difficult that may be at the time. 

 

Even if you are not happy, you can pretend to be happy.  Me, well, it might not be known by many people, but I am pretty good at doing that (or at least I think I am).  I can hide my feelings of “unhappiness” much better than I think I can hide other things.  I do not know where it comes from—the hiding and the thinking there is something to be unhappy about.  Well, okay, lie, I know the hiding comes from the lack of wanting to show my emotion because that is who I am.  Only a few can be let in, but that is a different story.  But the unhappy?  I don’t know.  Shouldn’t you just be happy all the time?  Because you have made the decision that is best for you, right? So you should always be happy.

 

You have to go through pain to get to the happiness.  Without the pain, then you can’t see your growth and why you have become happy.  So, then, is happiness just what comes out of pain?  Do you have to go through pain (and only something like that) to be extremely happy?  Do you have to have growth to be happy?  It seems like that sometimes.  You have to go through something that makes you so upset so you can see that you are better off with what you have done.

 

For a long time, I thought having a boyfriend would define me and make me happy.  And it did.  I was extremely happy, until he broke up with me.  I was devastated.  It was so hard for me to get over him, but eventually I did and I thought I was happy again.  I moved on.  I then started thinking that maybe it’s not the boyfriend that defines how happy you are.  It’s not the friends that define your happiness, or anyone.

 

Your happiness cannot depend on anyone else but yourself.  But you really have to know yourself to be truly happy, or to start to see some progress within yourself.  But, no one is as happy as they seem (or at least from what I have noticed).  You can be perfectly excited and happy in certain situations about certain things, but you aren’t truly, 100% happy.  There will always be something keeping you from your happiness—have it be you not telling someone why you are upset or not telling someone why you are frustrated, or still being in a situation that you want out of.  But how are you to overcome this?  Do you stay what you call “happy” and not tell someone how you feel or do you change things around and become happy by telling them everything, divulging all of your information so they know where you are coming from instead of keeping it inside.  Does that even make a difference though?

 

I think, all in all, you can never be truly happy.  Something will always be there that will make you never succeed to true happiness.  Now I could be completely off base and tomorrow decide I am wrong, but I really do believe no one can be happy.  It sucks to hear, and I’m sure you disagree, but it’s not possible.

Alkaline Trio can say it better than me....




I’ve got a book of matches.  I’ve got a can of kerosene.  I’ve got some bad ideas involving you and me.

So drive yourself insane tonight.  It’s not that far away and I just filled up your tank earlier today.

Fuck you, Aurora.  You took my only friend.

I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you, plugged in and ready to fall.

My tears seep through the crack under my door, where I am locked in, shut down.  I’m so tired of picking myself off the ground.

Now here I sit alone in this room.  No one to confide in.

You’ve got guts to spill but no one trustworthy.

The end is closer than ever before and you’ll want nothing more.

You live and you burn.

I am heaven sent. Don't you dare forget

I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings, cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept

 

If I'm the sum of all my friends, then all my friends are some of me. And if you're someway just like them, then I am you to some degree.

 

When we are loud, we are one. When we are one, we are more.
 

Believe in what I am because it's all I have today and tomorrow who knows where we'll be

 

Do you believe you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else?

 

Cause I get buried underneath all the things they think you are. And I'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt to be left out

 

Breathe in deep. Let it out slow. Did you hear me? Go go go!

 

I'm so much closer than I have ever known...

You could slit my throat. And with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place. If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday.

 

The past is only the future with the lights on

As people come and go, do they know they're really not alone?

Someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky

I want to quit this job.

I want to quit working here

I can't stand it.

I can't wait to move out

Why do people have to cause so much pain

I give up and I dont' want to deal with it anymore

I really need to just stand up and do what I need to do and stop being taken advantage of

I hope tomorrows phone calls go well

Arg I am just so stressed and frustrated.

I just want out.

NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

So in all honesty, I think this RA Job has started to get to me.  It is so crazy and it is so much more work this year than I ever thought it would be.  Last year it totally wasn't hard at all but this year it is just terrible and I am over worked

It seems like every weekend there is another issue, another problem, another write up, another something.  I never have a break and I never have anything go right.  I am constantly having to talk to Housing, or fear for my life, or something.  I thought it would be a breeze like last year but it is nothing of the sort.

I love my residents, there is no doubt about that.  It just seems that each year, it gets more and more crazy and I am not sure how I am goign to survive.  At times I really want to quit.  It would make life a lot easier... just to be a resident, just to be a college student.

Even though I am an RA, I guess I just feel like I have a totally different college experience than everyone else.  I mean, I can't go out an party as much as the others.  I can but it is jsut harder because it is frowned about to party with residents, and it makes sense but it sucks.  I mean if I were to be at a party and a resident got hurt, that parent could be like, well there was an RA there.  And then it is all in trouble for me and stuff.

But, like I was saying, it is difficult because I don't get the same experiences as other people.  Instead of partying, instead of not having to care, instead of enjoying life, I have to do so much more.  I plan those programs, I stay in on those nights, I have to care for 36 people at any hour of any given day.  I don't even get to hang out with my friends.  I feel like I have lost all of my friends in Hawaii because I am on campus and there isn't all so much that I can do.  And I feel like I have lost touch with my friends on the mainland too.   I am overworked, underpaid and neglect those that I love on a daily basis.  And more than anything, that hurts me because I cannot do anything with them.  I only have a few months to hang out with my freinds because I am so far away.  They are only a car ride away, but I am a plane by that same time.

The job does have it's good sides.  I get to meet millions of people.  I am 'the face of HPU" and have been told this a lot of times.  I mean, I love meeting people and talking to them and having fun.  It what is makes this job fun but it, like I have said, is hard work.  Sometimes, I am not sure what to do.  I am going to keep the job through the year but I am sure this is my last year.  I have put my heart and soul into this job and always do.  I try like there is no tomorrow but I feel like I try it too much or maybe not enough.  I dont' have a life outside this job and that is all there is to it.  But I guess there isn't so much more I can do except just accept it.

it is amazing how family can make you feel, cuz mine always makes me feel like shit

my aunts came down today to say hi because they were in the area.  they are my dads sisters for the record.  one i like and the other one is just kinda weird sometimes.  but whenever they come it's not like they care about me.  which is fine, i'm used to that.  but it is more along the lines of i am not good enough for them and things happen to me and they compare me.  i'm not as pretty or big or anything.  today my aunt said that her daughter may not fit into my dresses but it made me feel bad about myself.  i dunno.  it is just weird.  i guess i dont' like it

i hate being compared to people.   you are either better than someone or worse then them but what is the point.  who cares if you are anything like someone else.  what is the point.  obviously if you are the mother of someone or you love someone more you are going to to go for them more but what about the rest of us.  what about the ones that aren't the favorable compared one.   then what happens to that?  who does something then?

i could do something really cool like find a cure for cancer but i still don't think that woudl be good enough for anyone in my family.  it kinda sucks i guess because like i am trying my hardest to stay good in school, graduate on time, have fun with life but it's not cool enough.  i never do enough for anyone and it just sucks.  i can't stand it anymore.  that whole family doesn't realize all of the thigns i do when i am at school.  no one seems to care the things i do.  it doesn't matter and why should i even care.  i guess that is what i should ask my self.  it doesn't matter.  i just ignore them and just act like it doesn't bother me because it shouldn't.  but i doubt that will happen any time soon.  if you know me you know that's how i get.

so a word of advice, don't compare me.  it's not worth it.

on my way home driving 17 today i thought what would it be like if i happened to get in a car crash and something happened to me.  i mean, i am assuming my friends would be sad and stuff but i wonder what would happen with them.  would they be upset?  would they stay with me as a friend?  and what would happen if i forgot everything and them.  would they still try and be my friend?  i am hoping the answer is yes but you never know i guess.

i mean if i have forgotten everythign then what would happen.  and then i kept thinking about school.  what would happen with school?  i was thinking that if i forgot everything then i would still want to finish my degree.  but if i had to start over i dont' know what i would do.  i think i would go back and relearn everything that i needed to to finish my degree to make it seem like it isn't terrible in life and it is possible to take over anything and everything

i dunno.  i guess this is why i am not allowed to think because then i think about these things and it isn't really good things to do, espeically when driving.  but that is me.  i think in the car i had better thinking of it adn now that it is so much later i am sure this is what it goes down to.... it's too late to remember what i want to think.  haha

so now i'm signing off but i am going to try and write more random things here because that makes life more interesting when i can write randomly.

i still believe that valentines day is one of the most overrated and ridiculous holidays.

this year was like the first year i have ever really had a valentine before.  i really enjoyed it and he treated me nice and all but i do not understand why it takes one day to do this.  why is it just one day a year that people have to show for each other that they care?  there are 364 other days taht don't have an attached label as a time that you have to spend with a loved one.  why is that?

why is it that one day a year we flock to card stores, candy stores, flower stores to make people feeled loved.  it's not the material goods that make you feel good but it shoudl be the person that gave them to you.  granted, i got a lot of cool things and i love them all and i thank you for getting them for me if you are reading this, but it was unecessary.  

when you are with someone, everyday should be valentines day.  you should always show to other poeple that you care greatly for them and that you love them.  i have 3 new friends for ilima and beautiful flowers all over my room.  and i had a wonderful night but seriously, just one day a year.  i dont' get it.

at school you see all the happy couples walking around with each other, holding hands, holding gifts but i dont' know why it matters.  why on that one day, everyone is happy when they shoudl be happy every other day of the year.  it's so weird to me.  and maybe i'm just cynical.  and maybe i'm just weird but i am wondering if anyone else feels this way about life or valentines day.

why is love just for one day?  why is there just ONE day where you HAVE to show that you care?  shoudln't you be doing that every day?  obviously not.  and again, i am not complaining because i had an amazing day but i see it as uncessary.  because tomorrow things will go back to how they are.  tomorrow people won't be lovey dovey.  the card, flower, candy industries will all go back to nothingness and they will lose all their money.  the guys that screwed up will have another year to get thigns back on track because in another 365 days, this holiday will rear it's ugly head again.

and speaking of ugly head, valentines day is also really sad for everyone because what if you don't have anyone.  if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, is the holiday even worth it?  it makes you feel so bad when you don't have a valentine.  in elementary school, eveyrone had a list of their classmates and they had to make everyone one.  i remember days like that.  i thoguht that was so cool.  but now, on this one day, you can figure out who doesn't have dates or loves and it sucks.  it sucks when you can't figure out what you want.  and you're not loved or wanted.  and it's totally a bummer.  because you see everyone else aroudn you being in love but you.  and it sucks.  and i hate it.  and i feel for those that got screwed over by vlaentines day.

hopefully one day, this holiday will die out.  i mean, it's just a commericalized holiday anyway that means nothing.  but what can i do about it/  just smile and say thansk and i appericate the love from the boys because you are all amazing!

as i was sitting in the shuttle today, i came to a realization that iPods are actually worse for society than anything else.  When listening to music, it's you cut yourself off from the world.  listening to an iPod is something that you do when you want to be alone, but when you are around a group of people, why is it that there are 14 people listenign to different music while trying not to touch the person next to them.

it is so weird society today.  we say that we are more open than we really are.  we say that we are friends with one another and that we want to touch each others lives, but how can we do that if we won't even spend more than 3 seconds with someone.  it's so weird to me.  i mean, i love talking but why do we sit next to each other and never say a word.  we just retreat to our music

music is good for you to listen to.  it is a good escape.  but like, not when you are with other people.  don't you remember the days when you all picked a CD together and listened to it.  or the radio?  but now there is the situation where you are just sitting there without these people.  when there were CDs, you were able to listen to people and talk and still listen to music.  you knew that people weren't ignoring you.

but of course, why am i one to talk?  i was sitting there with my headphones in too.  it's not like i'm a perfect angel either.  but still, i think society is wrong.  if we are just sitting there ignoring each other, then it's amazing that we're not stronger as a community.  we are all too seperate and in our own world that we dont' have a chance to look at the world as a whole.  we have to see the world as a whole instead of a world of just  boringness.

i don't know.  i guess this is just my random thoughts for the day.  it's kinda weird but understandable.  i guess i'm just a freak....

You're an ass and a whore ... You're an ass whore!
[Sam]

I'm not talking too fast; you're hearing too slow. You have slow ears.
[Me]

Parked in the RLC Spot...Haha, Jason
[Martin]

I like sex... sex education
[Martin]

You can go suck an egg in a closet
[Margeaux]

The hip bone is connected to the .... ARM BONE!!!!
[Terence]

In my sex ed class we only watched braveheart
[Jen]

Stop moving when I'm trying to Ninja Turtle you!
[Me]

Carllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiii i, I can't find my bus pass.
[Jen]

You hate Tim Allen? Get out of America!
[Nate]

If I were asked to join the group called "Carli looks like a boy," I would not join it.
[Margeaux]

I hate when I'm screwing with somebody and they start to screw back.
[Margeaux]

Nate doesn't like hot fruit... except for me.
[Kyle]

I remember once imagining what my life would be like; what I'd be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities, that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And that's who I am
[the Weather Man]


I just needed to post them so I could remember them since I'm deleteing them from facebook.....

i think bands should come and play concerts in hawaii.  i mean, there is no real reason why they can't come out.  i'm shafted for so many shows and i'm just sick of it.  arg.  it's so annoying.  really is it that difficult to make a girl happy?  


okay, that's all.  it's my rant

so again, it's been forever since i wrote anything.  i've just been so caught up with things in life that i havne't had the chance to do much of anything that i normally do but here's my recap of 06 for me and you

january:
started out good.  spent the first weeks of january with friends just chiling catching up.  spent new years with stefan, alanna, lizzie, eric, and crew.  it was fun.  visited cal poly.  after a whirlwind trip went back to hawaii and did airport pick up.  celebrated my 6 months with stefan alone in hawaii but i got a nice boquet of flowers!  oh i also finally got my license!!!!

february:
i don't know what happened.  the termendous rain started that depressed everyone and their mother in hawaii.  celebrated valentines day alone in hawaii but gave everyone some cool valentines day cards and got some madagascar ones from clifton and armando!  

march:
made plans to come out to cali for spring break.  spent a week in cali, a few days visiting cal poly.  went to great america and it still rained in hawaii.  no one could escape the rain, even when i was in california.  

april:
hard times came between me and stefan but we worked it out.  april was your run of the mill month.  did a flat stanely project for my cousin which was oodles of fun and just hung out with everyone in hawaii, counting the days down til i could go back home.

may:
last month of school, winding things up.  saying my goodbyes and making some new friends.  spent an extra week in hawaii and hung out with my dad and seth.  will always remember the airport journey with my brother or boyfriend, depending on who you talk to, and our luggage experience through agg.  came home and had road trip plans but instead, started working right at the end of the month at american eagle, one of the best experiences ever.

june:
mitty grad was fun.  so were the partys.  AE was the best thing in the world for me.  i made so many friends.  started summer school for econ.  the fastest semester courses i've ever taken.  but it was fun.  offically got things on tract with stefan and then he left me for like three weeks for germany.  slowly followed teh world cup but i was more intent on the giants.  went to a giants/a's games with my gracie lou and had fun, though the stupid a's won.... lame saucers.

july:
finished one course of econ and started the next.  actually had friends in this class so it was good.  still worked at american eagle and got a pair of jeans of 10 dollars.  profusely hung out with my coworkers and friends from san jo all the time.  to the point of exhuastaion for me but you know what, it was worth it.  spent the 4th at the beach with cameron, traice, bjorn, and andy.  ran into some old friends--wheaties, eric edem, etc--and chilled with them at the beach.  hung out and chilled the rest of the time.  between work, friends, and school, i had no family time!  oh and celebrated my one year with stefan.  broke my phoen with cameron in tow and made the guy at the store give me a new one after hours.

august;
last couple of weeks in california.  ball games with alanna, cesar, and ricky.  bonfires were had as well.  visited cameron in santa barbara and hung out with him.  fun times there with dan, wheaties, cameron, and rachel.  a major trip with like no time.  hung out with people and then left, rapidly to start my new job at HPU.  had a going away party that was crashed by some jerks but my friends were still cool.  stefan broke up with me though.  it was hard to see him at the party but you know it's okay.  i had fun just hanging out with friends on my last nights home.  got to HPU after my family left me and started rigth away.  moved into my room and then started training and getting to know everyone.  i fell in love with my boys--Martin and Black.  i always loved Black, but Martin was a new one for me to love.  Check in started and so did school.  being an RA actually happened and it was so much fun.  had many nights at wailanas, fun talks, breaking into teh student center, and desperate housewives

septemeber:
school started and i learned a lot about time management.  found my cupcake, my java partner, and learn a lot from him too.  had desperate housewives parties and fun times.  occurance happened right off teh bat but it wasn't bad.  my reisdents and i got along fine and i love them all.  got them addicted to going to the windward mall with me which was fun

october:
came so quickly.  major earthquake in ahwaii causing me not to have power for 16 hours.  and with 200 restless residents, it was pretty hard to keep them all entertained but i think we did a pretty good job.  decorated the hall for halloween--disney gone to hell.  they got third place with no help from me which was pretty amazing.  i totally enjoyed it.   went to monsters ball and helped clifton win the costume contest with the banana suit and banana cheer.  it was amazing.  mosnters ball was fun too... so many people and the ninja turtles loved me.  i was so green after that night.  also, meet someone that makes me really happy.

november:
birthdays happened and we had fun.  residents through me a surprise birthday party with a lot of fun gifts which i still love today.  went out and celebrated matt's birthday too.  made hand turkeys to decorate the hall because the hall was incredibly boring.  spent thanksgiving at bellows afb which was fun.  first time i had been to the beach in ages.  read "how evan broke his head and other secrets" which is an amazing book.  i really recommend it.  got strept i think something in this month and that was no fun.  it carried over onto the next month.  made snowflkaes to decorate the hall and had margeaux, cupcake, and ben take care of me when i was sicky.

december:
went to 7-11 all the time with jason and martin.  some of the funnest nights ever.  just hung out. decorated teh halls and met a cool security guard anna.  just celebrated living life in hawaii.  played a lot of games.  did a secret santa and made my person so happy which was the best thing in the world.  watched disney movies and movies in general in my room like every night to keep things happy.  did one last wailana run which was sad and said goodbye to my boss, jason who i am going to miss.  i loved hanging out with him.  said goodbye to my residents too who aren't returning.  that was a sad day for me too because i love them all and to lose them is deeply sad.  came home after so much time with my new family to see my old family.  hung out with friends.  did christmas stuff.  went to disneyland.  rode every ride.  got back.  and just celebrated new years

that's my year in recap from what i can remember.  it seems like just yesterday i was with my friends visiting them at school or going to great america, going mini golfing three or four times n the summer.  but yesterday is gone and i have to look for tomorrow.  what does 07 have in store for me?  who knows?  there's a lot that could happen, a lot i want to happen, and a lot i might not every know that will happen.  but i'm excited because whatever it does bring, i know that i am this much closer to my degree, and i have made/touched this many more peoples lifes.  and i know that whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be happy because i know that i will have so many memories to fall back on because that is what keeps my love of life going.  to just remember the times that i had with friends and family in the past is the best feeling one could ever have.

so to those of you that made my 06 wonderful, i thank you.  for those of you that are going to make my 07 wonderful, i thank you in advance.  i can't wait to start making those memories so just keep me posted.

thanks everyone fo the love and memeories.  if i left you out, dont' think it was because i don't remember what we did.  because i do.  even now as i type this i remember more things that happened, but i'm too lazy to go add them.

i don't know what it is but i hate holidays.  there is something about all holidays that overwhelm me like no other.

as i was decorating for halloween today for the dinner, i got so overwhelmed to the point where i had to leave the word.  there is just too much about the holidays nowadays.  i could just feel the walls like coming in on me.  and i went from a happy mood to a stressful mood.  my residents keep asking me about doing stuff for haunted halls but i just can't do it.  i can't put myself out there and do anymore halloween stuff.

and this is the same for all holidays.

christmas, new years, valentines day, 4th of july.  whatever it is, i hate it.  there is too much drama.  too much money wasted on materials you are only going to use once.  it's just too too overwhelming for me.  there's no reason for it.  it just is.

the fact that every holiday i feel the same way.  i am forced to work and decorate.  different people have different ideas.  when there is a small amount of people working, i can do it.  but once you get more people, yes it goes faster but it becomes worse from me.  and then those more people become annoying to me and then i ruints things for me.  so pretty much, i just can't handle it.  i can only take so much holiday ness and this is not those days.  smiling and owrking my way through it i can do it.

i guess there is no real reason as to why i hate holidays.  i just do.  i can't do it.  i can do it for a while but then i get overwhlemed and not happy.  so yeah.  does this even help to explain things to you?  i doubt it.  but that's me.... i'm crazy.  maybe i'm too emo for holidays, like martin says.

wow so i haven't updated in a long time.... maybe i shall.  but later.  computer science is calling

69 QUESTIONS

1. Initials: cmm
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: ryan nicolino
3. Favorite fruit? apple
4. For or against same sex marriage? for it all the way.
5. Are you allergic to anything? food wise, no.
6. Are you bisexual? no
7. Have you ever slept in someone elses clothes? um, maybe someone elses pajamas?
8. How many U.S states have you been to? california, hawaii, new mexico, nevada, missouri, georiga, florida, new jersey, new york, arizona, pennsylvania, maryland
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? two
10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S? for like two weeks....
11. Name something physical you like about yourself? my hair
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself? my sarcasm
13. Do you have any pets? my fish just died
14. What is your dream car? i'd say my alpha romeo in my car
15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? europe and el salvador
16. Are you bipolar? nopes
17. What dream car do you want your husband/wife to drive? doesn't matter.  as long as he likes it
18. Where would you want to go on a first date? someplace we can talk so we can get to know each other.
19. Would you date the person who posted this before you? nopes
20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? yes
21. Ever been kissed under fireworks? no
22. What was the last text message you received? yay for bonfires
23. Have you ever bungee jumped? no but i want to
24. Have you ever white water rafted? nopes
25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? haha.  let's recall last week....
26. Are you racist? no unless you look through my phone book
27. What song are you listening to right now? i'm not
28. What's your favorite song at the moment? don't have one.  maybe waiting by green day....
29. What was the last movie you watched? the ballad of ricky bobby
30. Where was the last place you went besides your house? i just went to graces house to pick up some clothes she stole
31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? no
32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? yes
33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes and smile
34. What's your fav. body part on the opposite sex? abs
35. What do you usually order from Starbucks? nothing.
36. Say something totally random about yourself: i like plaid
37. Do you have an iPod? no
38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? no
39. Do you have freckles? no
40. Are you comfortable with your height? except when i'm at work
41. Do you love someone right now? yes
42. How tall are you? 5'5ish
43. Do you speak any other language other than english? spanish
44. Have you ever ridden in a limo? yes
45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? no
46. Do you watch MTV? nope
48. What's something that really annoys you? 12 year old girls at work who think they're better than me
50. Do you like Michael Jackson? no
51. Have you ever surfed? bo
52. Do you know how to pump gas? yup
53. Do you drive? yup
54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out? 5ish?
55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? yes
56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? no
57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do? yes
58. What's your favorite state to live in? happiness
59. What color is your hair? blonde, brown
60.What color are your eyes? brown
61. Do you have any special talents? sure
62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink? lemonade
63. Favorite city? santa cruz
64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? no
65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? the wench
66. Who do you live with? myself, unless i'm in cali then with my familia
67. Last thing you watched on TV? whatever i just turned on so i could have some noise
68. Do you wear glasses or contacts? all the time
69. Have you ever taken a roadtrip? yup, just got back

[Relationship Status] - taken!
[Siblings] - 1 brother, younger
[Pets] - my last fish just died

FAVORITES
[Colors] - plaid
[Number] - 3
[Animal] - hippo
[Book] - dont' have one favorite but catcher in the rye is good
[Flower] - yellow roses

DO YOU
[Twirl your hair?] - yes
[Have tattoos?] - no, i'm too indecisive
[Cheat on tests?] - maybe
[Like roller coasters?] - of course
[Wish you could live somewhere else?]- sometimes when i'm in HI
[Like cleaning?] - no.  dont' make me do it
[Write in cursive or print?] - combination of the two
[Know how to drive?] - yes
[Own a cell phone?] - yes
[Ever get off the internet?]- yes, sometimes

HAVE YOU EVER
[considered a life of crime?] - nope.  i think i'll get caught
[Considered being a hooker?] - didn't you know about my weekend job?
[Been in love?] - yes
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] - no and i won't

CURRENT..
[Current clothing] - jeans, shirt
[Current hair] - down and newly cut
[Current thing I ought to be doing] - probably sleeping or watching friends
[Current CD in stereo] - senses fail i think
[Last movie you saw] - haha.  you, me and dupree
[Last thing you ate] - chicken and rice
[Read the newspaper?] - sometimes, not really
[Hate yourself?] - ummmm no?
[collect anything?] - nopes.  dust in my room
[Like your handwriting?] - sometimes

LOVE..
[First crush] - jack
[You believe in love at first sight?] - i suppose
[You believe in "the one?"] - yes
[Are you a tease?] - oh i'll flirt
[Too shy to make the first move?] - yes

ARE YOU A...
[Daydreamer] - yeah and it's bad
[Sarcastic] - all the time

WOULD YOU RATHER...
[Pierce your nose or lip?] - nose and i might
[Be serious or funny?] - funny

ARE YOU...
[Simple or complicated?] - simply complicated

ABOUT YOU...
[What time is it] - 9.22
[Name] - Carli
[Nickname(s)] - Carl, Carlos, CarCar, Carlita, CC, CC Magee, hey you, to name a few

WHAT DO YOU WANT...
[Where do you want to live] - in Santa Cruz for always
[How many kids do you want] - 2
[What kind of job do you want]- Math teacher
[do you want to get married] - in the future, yes

UNIQUE...
[Nervous Habits] - not sure.
[Can you roll your tongue] - no
[Can you raise one eyebrow]- no
[Can you cross your eyes] - no
[Do you make your bed daily] - yeah in crazy world

CLOTHES, ETC...
[Which shoe goes on first] - I think the left one but I'm not sure
[Ever thrown one at someone] - Yes, Lacy
[How much money do you carry in your wallet] - depends on how much i take out of the ATM

IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU...
[Bought something] - food, clothes, gas, so yes
[Gotten sick] - no
[Sang] - all the time
[Felt stupid] - haha, yeah, especially when Cesar is a meaniehead
[Missed someone] - yes
[Gotten drunk] - no
[Gotten high] - no
[Danced crazy] - I did the cabbage patch at dinner last night and go made fun of
[Gotten your hair cut] - yup!
[Watched cartoons] - no....
[Lied] - yes

LAST PERSON THAT...
[Slept in your bed] - me
[Saw you cry] - me?  not sure anyone did
[Made you cry] - myself and what i did.
[Saw a movie with you]- laura, her cousin, alan, cesar, hannah, jonathan
[Said 'I love you' to you] - parentals

HAVE YOU EVER...
[Been to California] - no i don't live there either
[Been to Canada] - no
[Been to Europe] - yes, Italia
[Wished you were the opposite sex] - only sometimes
[Snuck out of your house]- nopes.  i don't need to

life gets more and more interesting every day.  my boyfriend has been home for not even a week and he's leaving for germany on saturday.  i don't think i'm going to see him before he leaves.  *sigh*.  i should call him tomorrow morning or at least tell him to call me so i can here him one more time before i go.

and let's see.  work is getting harder and harder.... more hours next week [32] as compared this week [20ish] and i start school.  oh man.

i'm looking forward to friday for the giants game.  i can't wait.  giants/a's.  oh man i'm going to have fun.  it will be a good way to end a good first week of school.  speaking of which i need to read my econ book so i can kinda figure out what the heck i'm going to learn.

and i still need to send out grad cards.  oh well i will get on it.  by the way, huge ass spider just crawled by me..........  that's all.

i'm done talking about nothing now.  can't wait til eveyrone is home.

i'm off on wednesday if you wanna do anything.

my car died today.  well the tire did.  it popped.  i freaked.  it wasn't fun.  luckily will helped me.  i thank him so much for everthing he did.  he was a life saver.  



i still hate cars.....

My list of things to do before I die....It will be changed and updated as I do things.... (Because I was bored in Chem)


1. Be in a Movie
2. Feed a Giraffe
3. Feed a Hippo
4. Feed a Whale
5.  Ride a Whale
6.  Go to Africa
7.  Learn Italian
8.  Try all 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins
9.  Write for a Newspaper
10. Try food I have never tried before
11. Marry the one I love
12. Give my hair to cancer patients
13. Dye my hair blue
14. Work in retail
15. Spend the night on the beach
16. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
17. Canoe (and not at Disneyland)
18. Work at Disneyland/Walt Disneyworld
19. Ride every attraction at Disneyland
20. Visit every MLB ball park in the United States (and Canada)
21. Go to Germany
22. Go to England
23. Learn how to surf
24. Dance in the middle of the street
25. Make my own article of clothing, and wear it
26. Only sing all day
27. Speak with an accent all day
28. Act like a tourist, for fun
29. Burn a Christmas Tree
30. Learn how to snowboard
31. Skydive
32. Bungee Jump
33. Learn how to write with my left hand
34. Get a 4.0
35. Catch a fish
36. Swim in the Mediterrean Sea
37. Swim in the Dead Sea (okay, so float)
38. Swim in the Indian Ocean
39. Go to the World Series
40. Climb a palm tree
41. Sing in a Chior, with a solo
42. Sing Karakoe in a bar
43. Walk on the field at Pac Bell
44. Go to a Professional Football game
45. Meet a movie star
46. Get a photo I took into a magazine
47. Win the Barbie game
48. Invent my own Crayola crayon color
49. Renew my wedding vows, on my 50th wedding anniversary, on a beach/in a church, in Hawaii
50. Make an ice sculpture
51. Disprove a theory
52. Hold public office
53. Be in a wedding as a flowergirl
54. Be in a wedding as a bridesmaid
55. Go to another Monarch Madness
56. Lead a Kairos
57. Pet a Moose
58. Upholster my own couch
59. Kiss someone in the rain
60. Uphold a Lenten promise
61. Donate money to the Tamarindos
62. Write a Children's book
63. Visit all the historical landmarks in California
64. Eat at all the In-N-Out Burgers in California
65. Get my license
66. Learn how to drive stick
67. Run through the sprinklers as an adult
68. Sneak into a concert
69. Pass Linear Algebra (B or better)
70. Feed a monkey
71. Eat goat cheese
72. Take a cruise
73. Name a kid Damian
74. Get kicked out of a store
75. Change a flat tire

mtv should just give me my own show. actually everyone in the dorms. it could be called dorm life and it would be a big hit. i've never seen so much drama in my life outside of prom. it would be wonderful. mtv, look into it.